


I dream of holding your hand, of being him

by sadmarchhare



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Love, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:48:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26670124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadmarchhare/pseuds/sadmarchhare
Summary: And no matter what she couldn’t be mad at Goh she totally understood why Ash had fallen for him. He truly was amazing and he was pretty too, from his blue eyes to his soft smile, suddenly she wished she was as pretty as him. She also wished he was out of the picture, that Ash wouldn’t have left Kalos, but those were all things she couldn’t change. Ash wasn’t hers and he was happy like this, as much as it hurt her to see him with Goh this is just how things were.
Relationships: Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum, One Sided Satoshi | Ash Ketchum/Serena
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	I dream of holding your hand, of being him

**Author's Note:**

> i've litteraly never written for this ship before but i was dying to so here it is im sorry if it isnt that good like i said i have never written for this ship before. but im very much planning on writting more for it i just love my boys so much (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

The weather wasn’t ideal for travel, it was snowing and although the train was warm, she knows the moment she stepped outside she’d be shaking with cold. Even so she was extremely excited, she was finally going to meet up with Ash after being apart for so long. One year to be exact and as Serena looked outside, she lost herself completely in her daydreams. Had Ash changed much in one year? How would he greet her? Had he missed her? If so, how much? Was he as excited as she was? 

A blush covered her face and she hid her face in her hands as she smiled uncontrollably. Maybe Ash was taller now? Maybe less reckless? But she didn’t mind that part of him that much, although sometimes he worried her, his recklessness was part of him and partly why he was such a good trainer and friend. 

It saddened her that for one whole year they barely had any contact but maybe after this visit they’d contact each other more often. Social media existed and although Ash wasn’t too interested in it, Serena just wanted to interest him enough so they could communicate more easily. She just wanted to know how Ash was doing and how he was going, because right now she doesn’t know anything, all she knows is that he is here as she received this information from Ash’s mom who contacted her “After all it has been so long since you two saw each other!”, she had said. 

His mom had informed Ash that she was coming as to make sure he wouldn’t plan anything for today before receiving her. And to make sure Ash would go pick her up as she didn’t know where anything was in Vermillion City. 

Serena sighed and looked outside again; she was excited yes but now she was starting to get a bit nervous. Not enough for her smile to leave her face but nervous nonetheless. She still has a crush on him. After so long she still wishes she could look him in the eyes tell him all about her feelings and maybe kiss him. Then Ash would tell her all about his feelings too and they could go live a happy ever after. But sadly, she never confessed to him while they were together and now, she can’t help but wonder if it's too late. 

She might still harbor feelings for him but that doesn’t mean he still does. If he ever did. After all he never showed any sign of liking her. 

“What a pain!” She said and let her head fall onto the back of the seat. Well Serena imagined that even if he didn’t like her that way, they could still try something and he might actually fall for her. Don’t many people do that? Hopefully he hadn’t met another girl that got his attention, just thinking about that was starting to make Serena angry. Well there was no point in thinking about it, she took a deep breath and decided to sleep for the rest of the travel. 

Around an hour later when the train finally stopped, Serena picked up her bag and went outside. As expected, it was too cold. She really would have preferred to come in the summer but she really didn’t want to wait anymore to see Ash. 

And before she could think of where to go someone called her name, “Serena!” She turned around and there he was. 

He looked, almost the same, the same smile that she fell in love with still adorned his features and she felt like crying. Serena ran to him and he did the same, they hugged each other and finally she let some tears escape her. 

“I missed you so much.” She said. 

“I missed you too!” They let each other go and Ash’s smile was bigger than ever. This really tranquilized her at least now she knew Ash had missed her as much as she missed him. 

“Oh, by the way, this is Gou!” Ash said as he pulled a boy, she completely missed from behind him. “Gou this is Serena, Serena this is Gou. I’ve known her for a long time, she’s from Kalos.” He quickly explained to Gou. 

The other boy seemed very nervous and out of place but it seemed that he relaxed a bit when Ash turned to him. He probably didn’t like crowds very much and wasn’t very good at meeting people. She smiled and held out her hand. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

He held out his and they shook hands. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too. I’m from Kanto, this city specifically...” 

“Let’s go back to the lab! I’m an assistant on a lab now, along with Gou. He’s trying to catch all Pokémon while I want to win the Champion League and battle Mr. Leon!” Ash explained enthusiastically and Serena let out a chuckle. 

“A very big goal, I expected no less.” 

On their way to the lab Ash and Gou (more Ash than Gou really) told Serena about all the things they have done since becoming assistants at the lab, from fighting a dynamaxed snorlax to Gou catching a flygon. Ash also showed Serena his Pokémon besides, Pikachu who she already knew and Gou’s companion Pokémon, sobble and raboot. 

Serena couldn’t help but smile while she listened to Ash talk about all the things he has gotten up to, he really hasn’t changed a bit personality wise. Still the same careless, adventurer and caring boy she used to be with all the time. Still the same boy she fell in love with. He seemed really happy while talking about the things his friend accomplished as well, her heart soared, Ash really was lovely. Gou seemed really proud of Ash as well, Serena couldn’t help but think “That’s my Ash!” 

Once at the lab the first Ash did was show Serena around. She was surprised to find out he was staying at the lab along with Gou, but to be honest it shouldn’t be that surprising as this was a better solution that traveling from Pallet Town to Vermillion City every day. 

He brought her to meet the scientist that hired them as assistants, Professor Cerise. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Serena.” 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too Professor.” They shook hands and then Ash finally brought her to the main attraction. 

The greenhouse. 

“So, what do you think?” He said excitedly running in front of her, smiling wildly. IT was truly amazing how many Pokémon they had caught and how happy and well taken care of they were, she expected nothing else from Ash. 

“Ash, you-” But before she could praise him, he spoke again. 

“The majority of them were caught by Gou, he’s incredibly good at catching Pokémon.” Ash said as he looked at Gou who was blushing. 

“Oh, Gou I’m sorry for assuming it was Ash who caught them. I’m just so amazed. I agree with Ash you seem incredible at this.” Serena said turning to Gou as well, who at this point was redder than a darumaka. 

“Thank you! I’m trying to catch every Pokémon so I can eventually catch Mew.” Gou said with a nervous laugh. 

But before anyone else could say anything Serena’s stomach growled, she turned red, “I’m sorry I haven’t eaten anything since I got on that train...” 

“It’s okay we can totally go eat something right now.” Said Ash and the three of them went to the small breakroom the lab had. 

Ash opened the cabinets and took a box that had some cookies while Gou took a juice bottle from the small fridge and three cups. Since Serena didn’t know where anything was, she played with Ash’s and Gou’s companion Pokémon and hers too, so she wouldn’t just stand there awkwardly. Ash took some Pokémon biscuits and handed them to Serena so she could hand it to them. 

“Here, I bet your Sylveon is hungry as well. Did you bring the other two?” 

“Yes! Let me take them out.” Serena sent out her Pancham and Braixen. 

“Wow they look so well.” Ash smiled and pet them both before going to sit at the table followed by Serena. 

When she saw Ash pet her Pokémon, she couldn’t help but remember all the times he had done that before. It warmed her heart thinking about it, she really missed the days when they did stuff together. After all, all her best memories had Ash on them one way or another. And as she looked at Ash now a smile on his face when he talked to her she decided she’d confess today. 

It didn’t matter if they couldn’t be together for now since they lived so far away, as long as Ash returned her feelings, she was okay with waiting for him. Serena felt weirdly confident he liked her back at least a little bit, she knew him well so there was a high change her confidence wasn’t unreasonable. Plus, she couldn’t hide it anymore, not only was there no point in doing it, it was starting to hurt having to keep her feelings hidden like this. Just telling him already really was the best option. 

Plus, who knows when she might get to see him face to face again? Might as well do it today, all she needed was an opportunity do it. 

Ash sat close to Gou as he usually does and Serena decided to sit close to Ash, he was her friend so why not? She could have sat in front of him but she liked it more this way. 

“You can eat however many you want Serena.” Ash said as he took a bite out of one, he had in his hand. 

“Oh, okay thank you-” 

“Gou this one is really good too. I can’t believe I haven’t tried it before, here!” Clearly the moment she started speaking Ash’s mind was already somewhere else. That didn’t bother her however, she was used to it. But before she could take a bit out of a cookie herself, she saw Gou and Ash exchanging the ones they had taken a bite out of and take a bite after said exchange. 

That made her raise an eyebrow, “You two are really close.” 

Ash looked at Serena curiously and then looked at the cookie he had bitten, “Oh! Yeah, we are, we’re best friends after all.” He smiled. Serena really wanted to point out although her and Ash were best friends too but he had never done something similar with her. But she then quickly reached the conclusion that it might be because they were both boys so it’s less awkward to do things like that. 

The whole time they were eating they conversed happily and Serena had to resist the urge to sigh dreamily every time Ash talked about the things he has accomplished in battles. Gou seemed as enchanted by Ash’s accomplishments if the way he talked about them as well, was anything to go by. And who wouldn’t be enchanted? thought Serena. 

When they finished eating Goh had the idea of showing Vermillion to Serena, obviously he’d be the guide since he had grown up there. Serena would much rather go alone with Ash but she supposed she has no choice in the matter. Hopefully she’d be able to spend some time alone with him anyway. 

As they walked around occasionally stopping so Goh could show them something Serena thought of ways, they could separate themselves from Goh. She needed just enough time to confess, she didn’t want to come off as mean though hopefully if they “accidentally” got separated, Goh wouldn’t feel bad. Of course, she could as him for some time alone as well. For now, as they walked, she was thinking of the best course of action. 

Then suddenly Goh stopped and pointed at an apartment building “My parents live there. They aren’t at home most of the time and probably aren’t right now but maybe next time you can meet them like Ash already has.” He smiled along with Ash both looking like they were suddenly reminded of a happy memory. 

“Well I’ve met Ash’s mom at least.” Serena said. 

“Oh, me too and I remember she told me to take care of Ash which I accepted and honestly think I'm pretty good at doing.” A smug smile appeared on his face. 

“I’m not a baby I don’t need you to take care of me.” Answered Ash sounding a tad annoyed, “Let’s just keep walking.” 

Serena couldn’t lie it bothered her a bit that in such a small amount of time they became as close as brothers, but whatever this wasn’t a competition and Ash’s heart would love her differently than it loved Goh. 

But would it? That question suddenly hit her when she started shaking a bit with cold and Goh as well. Since Goh had grown up here, she thought he’d be used to the cold but that wasn’t the case it seemed. She pointed that out as a light hearted joke and he explained how he liked warm weather much better. Ash said he preferred warmer weather too but he was fine with the cold. 

“Oh, I have an idea!” Ash said as he took off his jacket, took off his sweater leaving only a long-sleeved shirt he had underneath, putting on his jacket again and handing the sweater to Goh. “Here!” Goh blushed but took the sweater and did the whole ordeal of taking his jacket off and putting on. “Thank you, Ash.” He said still blushing but trying his hardest to look like it didn’t affect him. 

Throughout this whole exchange Serena hadn’t been able to find any words to say. Her confidence in Ash accepting her confession had suddenly dissipated and she couldn’t believe it, did Ash like Goh? Both this exchange and the one earlier this day had been so... romantic? Yes, romantic was the correct word, soft too like they both moved in synchrony and never got too close nor too far. But not only in these instances, she could only imagine how many times they had moments like these throughout this whole year and suddenly her heart felt heavy. 

She should have noticed something was up at the greenhouse, when Goh talked about how he caught a certain Pokémon and Ash looked at him like he was the most impressive thing in the room. Obviously, Goh arbored the same feelings for his best friend and it really showed in the way he acted as well. Serena wanted the ground to just swallow her, she felt like a third wheel. A third wheel to a relationship the boy she liked was in. 

They kept walking nonchalantly, like nothing had happened and well to them nothing much had happened. At one point though Serena suddenly just stopped walking. She decided to just let it all now, there was no point in waiting until they got to the lab because she knows Ash would notice her sudden change in demeanor. 

“Ash.” She said, and both boys turned around. 

“Hm?” 

“I... I have something important to tell you.” She took a deep breath. “I like you. Romantically. And I was planning on confessing properly but I now see that you like him so I'm just telling you because I feel better knowing that at least you got to know my true feelings.” Serena quickly said with all the courage she could muster; her heart was going as fast as it was when she was on the train. 

Ash looked sad and said, “I can’t return your feelings I’m sorry.” And before he could keep going Serena chuckled out of stress or sadness she couldn’t tell, “I know you can’t, you like him, don’t you?” She pointed to Goh. 

Goh blushed and pointed to himself, “Me?” 

“Yeah... I guess there’s no hiding it now.” A blush grew on Ash’s face and he chuckled, putting his hands on the back of his head. “I’m really sorry though. Serena I really meant it. I still consider you a very close friend.” 

“I knew it. You’re head over heels, and so is he. If only you two could see each other when you guys talk about each other. And it's fine Ash I’m not mad, I won’t lie I am very sad but I think part of being in love with someone is being happy they are happy even if not with you.” Tears were threatening to spill but since they were still very much outside Serena tried her best to not cry. “Goh please treat Ash well. And Ash don’t worry Goh too much.” 

Goh was speechless he was completely out of the loop. “Ash you like me back?” 

Ash looked at Goh surprised, “Back? You like me.” 

“I do.” He smiled awkwardly a blush still adorning his features. Ash smiled, “Will you be my boyfriend?” 

It hurt to watch, after years of keeping her feelings hidden the first time, she finally found courage to confess but it turned out she was too late and Ash was in love with someone else. At least that someone else, Goh, returned his feelings and she could see Ash’s smile the one she adored for years and is sure she’ll never forget. 

And no matter what she couldn’t be mad at Goh she totally understood why Ash had fallen for him. He truly was amazing and pretty too, from his blue eyes to his soft smile, suddenly she wished she was as pretty as him. She also wished he was out of the picture, that Ash wouldn’t have left Kalos, but those were all things she couldn’t change. Ash wasn’t hers and he was happy like this, as much as it hurt her to see him with Goh this is just how things were. 

They were now holding hands, a soft blush on both their faces, both barely able to contain a smile. Serena simply let some tears fall before quickly drying her eyes. 

“I’m happy for you I really am. Now let’s go back it’s getting even colder!” She started walking and they followed. 

“Serena are you sure you don’t want to talk?” Said Ash worried. 

“No, it’s okay we can talk later through our socials when I get back to Kalos.” Ash simply sighed and respected her wishes he couldn’t imagine what she was feeling. 

How much she wished she was Goh.

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to leave kudos and a comment, they always make my day ♪(´▽｀)  
> twt @wlwtrekkie  
> insta @sovietdetective


End file.
